The maples have just about shed all their yellow spawn, so I’m finally able to enjoy spring. Everything is still fresh and green with splashes of vibrant pinks, whites and purples. It’s the kind of weather where I long for a garden with peonies, ranunculuses, lilacs, flowering almonds, crabapples, cherries, roses, ivy, gerber daisies, and some wild looking weedy things. No room for grass, Addie, sorry. You’re going to have to learn to pee on pebbles or something. A wild garden. A secret garden.
It’s the kind of weather where you just feel like visiting all the local shops for fresh baked goods and produce. You walk more; you jog more. You feel like cleaning, consolidating, organizing. It feels like that part in the Wes Anderson film where everyone has some sort of change of heart. Oh yes, it’s that Oh Yoko time of year. Forget Sexy Back–it’s Oh Yoko blaring that gets me through the tough hills.
I have not started my burger journey yet, only because it is spring and I’m feeling like being healthy. I was quite excited today when I thought I finally ended my hunt for the perfect granola. It must be nut free. Short list, right? You’d think it wouldn’t be that hard? Guess again. I’d say about 95% of all the granolas and mueslix out there contain nuts. Almonds, hazlenuts, walnuts, peanuts—I have no idea why you non-allergic people are so obsessed with nuts. Eat a raisin once in a while! Ever heard of oatmeal? It’s crunchy! In Europe they look at you as if your head is growing out of your ass when you ask if a muesli has nuts because the nut mueslix are in the minority. At Dominion they have a berry granola that may contain traces, which, normally, I’m fine with because I’m not as careful as I should be, but I’ve actually found large chunks of almonds in one box, so now I avoid it.
Which brings me to this: Enjoy Life Granola.
Eat freely? That’s a laugh. It should be renamed Enjoy This-fruity-cardboard-we-shaped-into granola-like- pieces-18-times-the-normal-size-before-shoving-it-into-a-box-18-times-too-big-so-you- don’t-feel-like-you’re-being-ripped-off-until-you-get-home Granola.
What the hell is this? Tumour granola? How am I supposed to chew this? Very Berry Crunch, indeed.
Well, I guess I can rest easy knowing that this cereal doesn’t contain 10 of the most common allergens, such as shellfish. Thank goodness! No shrimp in this granola!
You know what, guys? You can take your crunchier taste and shove it. This is the worst food I’ve ever eaten. I have TMJ, people, I can’t chew these chunks! Maybe you should put some gluten in. That might help. Hugs and kisses, Allie.